Quitting Facebook: A Guide from an Ex-Addict
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I said for many years I didn’t have a problem. I just used it casually, I said. It wasn’t negatively impacting my relationships, my mental health, my ability to get my work done. I could put it down whenever I wanted. I chose not to; when I was feeling generally positive, I would say it was because I enjoyed it, and when I was feeling generally negative, I would say because I needed it. Whether I liked it or not, it was constantly pushed as a social necessity. Anyway, it USED to be fun, I would say wistfully, and I just need more self-control for it to be fun again.
I’m talking here about alcohol, from which I am celebrating 5 years sober in 2025. But I could just as easily be talking about Facebook. In many ways, I am talking about Facebook, as I watch the quality of my feed go down the shitter with the lack of fact-checking and hate speech protections and the increase of AI content and hateful content forced into my feed. I’m watching people I follow spiral into despair and frustration (at themselves, at the world, at the thing at the center of their addiction) in ways that feel so similar to my struggle when I knew I didn’t like the relationship I had to booze but I didn’t know how to stop. I was scared of what would happen when I stopped trying to run away from my brain. I was scared that I’d lose all of my friendships. I was scared of missing out on something. I spent a couple of years trying to quit and coming back to it, over and over again, hating myself for continuing to do something that caused me distress but also feeling trapped.
Whether you can be physically addicted to social media isn’t really what I want to talk about — we don’t understand enough about the brain to say for sure, and while there are studies out there, most of them are just too small-scale to be useful. I also want to be very clear that I don’t think social media is inherently bad, just as I don’t think alcohol is inherently bad. Both can be used in moderation and what moderation looks like varies wildly from person to person — therefore I don’t think the government stepping in to enforce some sort of standard is practical or desirable (plus we know that the government is going to enforce any such thing haphazardly and in line with their brand of authoritarianism).
That said, I also know that when you are in the grips of a cycle that doesn’t serve you, it is very very hard to break that cycle. It’s also very hard to imagine life outside of that cycle. At least with alcohol, you’re unlikely to be forced to partake to stay employed, run an event, or fundraise for a nonprofit! Social media (and Facebook in particular) has successfully wormed its way into our lives in various ways, and untangling it feels like an insurmountable task. When you’re surrounded by people who also feel trapped in that cycle, it can make it even more difficult, especially when you all agree that you’re not happy about your use but you also can’t seem to stop using! And to be super clear — I get it. I have been on Facebook since 2007, and giving up the community I have there (almost 20 years worth!) feels like an immeasurable loss. Yet I cannot ignore any longer that Facebook is causing me more harm than it is doing me good, and like my other vices, it’s time for me to change my relationship with it drastically. So, I am writing this guide to myself, first and foremost, while also writing it for you, if you see your own struggle mirrored here.
Hopefully, some of the advice I offer you here can help you explore a different dynamic with Facebook, without making yourself feel shitty or cutting yourself off completely. Maybe you’ll find these techniques lead you to realize you didn’t need Facebook as much as you thought you did, which is also an awesome thing to discover! Or maybe you’ll find a better balance that allows you the greatest benefit with the least amount of strife. Either way, I’m in this trench with you, friend!
Assess Your Wellbeing: One of the first things that made me reconsider my relationship with Facebook, in particular, was how often I felt like that one xkcd comic about someone being wrong on the internet. It was just so EASY to yell at people on the internet, and I would spend hours writing scathing missives — to people who were doing the same thing on the opposite side. Was it a productive and healthy use of my time? No. Did it make me feel better? Sometimes there was a moment of smug satisfaction, but it was like smoking a cigarette — the little bit of pleasure was just not worth the dry throat and restless sleep when I started to think about it.
To better figure out if my protestations that social media “made me feel less lonely” and “kept me informed about what was going on” were based in reality, I started to keep track of how I felt after spending longer than 30 minutes on a site. I’d also keep track of which site I was spending time on. After just a week, I noticed that I was generally less anxious and more productive when I spent less time on Facebook — I also felt less combative in my everyday life, which was interesting. And the less time I spent doomscrolling, the more time I spent writing, spending time with my friends offline, and reading. I also realized I often had more inspiration, my lower back was less crunched (because I was doing hobbies like gardening and cooking instead of curling around my phone). It was really helpful for me to commit to changing my behavior when I could see the results of leaving Facebook alone in my deeper sleep and more creative output. It also helped a lot that I had been kicked off Twitter the year before by Elon’s tender ego in the face of parody, and while I had thought losing Twitter would be crushing, I was much happier without it.
Break Down Your Usage: I was gobsmacked at how much time I was spending looking at a screen every day when I looked at my phone’s stats a couple of months ago. My daily average was something like 14 hours a day between my phone (11 hours!) and my laptop (3 hours). Of that, more than half of that time on my phone was spent on social media — and most of that was just doomscrolling on Facebook. It didn’t SEEM like I was wasting so much time on social media, passively consuming posts, but the numbers were right there. Knowing what I was doing made me want to take control of my habits so it wasn’t an unconscious coping mechanism. Just reflecting on what I was doing inspired me to be more self-aware without making me feel guilty about it! Here’s how to look at your data with iPhone’s inbuilt screen time app, and here’s how to do it with Android’s inbuilt app.
Looking at the data not only showed me what sites I tended to get stuck on (Facebook was the worst, but I also lost time on Instagram and Reddit), it also showed me what times of day I found myself getting distracted. I learned that I easily wasted an hour or two in the morning when I woke up and right before bed — like many people, I automatically reached for my phone to bookend my day. Unfortunately, looking at social media (or the news, to be honest) right when you wake up floods us with stimuli while we’re still waking up, which can lead to mental fatigue before we’ve even crawled out from the covers. It’s a dopamine stimulant, but the negative effects can linger with us throughout our day. And looking at your phone right before sleep can not only make sleep harder to sink into but can haunt our nightmares and stress us out, making the sleep we do get restless. Suddenly, my emotional exhaustion clinging to me like a shadow made a lot more sense.
Cut Down: Now that I had some significant data points for Facebook being bad for my mental and physical well-being, I knew I wanted to cut down. The iPhone gives you the ability to set different limits for how long you can check different sites, so I set Facebook to 3 hours and all other social media sites to another 3 hours. Every week, I began to cut that down by 15 minutes, and I’d see if I used up that whole amount of time or if it was more than I needed. Very quickly, I noticed that when an alert went off that said I only had 5 minutes of Facebook left, I would just move on and do something else. And, because I wasn’t on Facebook as much, I was also not as hyper-fixated on other social media sites. If I *needed* to go on Facebook, I could bypass the limit, but having the limit there made me more aware of how much time I had already spent, making me use my time on the platform more efficiently.
I also set a screen time limit on my phone and laptop generally so that I could only access Spotify between midnight and 8 am. Having that limitation in place also caused me to treat midnight to 8 am as my restful time, which also led to me beginning to wrap up my day an hour before midnight. Now, when it gets to be 11 pm, I do a lesson on my language app, I take a moment for meditation, I brush my teeth, and sometimes I read a little before bed. I’ve gotten so good at my night routine that I found extra time to put together a skincare habit as well. When I wake up, I now do my morning skincare, then I heat up tea, water my plants, and feed the cats… getting on Facebook just doesn’t feel that immediate. Cutting down on how much time I spend on social media has opened up hours for things I used to feel I didn’t have time for and energy to do them.
I do want to make a note here that when it comes to alcohol or other substances, some people can’t do moderation, they need to quit cold turkey. That may be true for your social media habits, but it might not be. Some people may find limitations like charging your phone in another room that isn’t the bedroom is helpful, or deleting the apps for Facebook from their phone, only accessing it on their computer. Still others leave it all behind. You have to pick what works best for you! I just also want to encourage people who feel like their only options are to binge or purge. There can be a middle ground for many.
Do Something Else: Like with any dopamine-seeking behavior pattern, it can be really helpful to find some things to do that can fit into the slot. When you reach for your phone, what’s something you can do instead? I started to crochet because sometimes it was just a matter of giving my hands something to do. If I wanted an outside stimulus, I would put on a podcast and slip the phone in my pocket so my hands were free to do something else. It was certainly helpful, especially in the beginning, to have easy things to do that kept my hands and my brain busy, even when that was two different things. It’s not dissimilar to substituting sparkling water for beer when I’m at a party or substituting hard candy for a cigarette.
As someone who enjoys parallel play with loved ones, finding something quiet to do in the same space as someone else who WASN’T browsing social media took some doing. I ended up downloading Libby, and I spend a lot of time now reading books I’ve gotten from the library. If screens in general are a part of your struggle, you might find playing a solitaire-type game or reading physical books are a better idea for avoiding temptation. Crafts can be a fun distraction — I used to think I was a terrible artist until I decided to spend some of my unused Facebook time on painting and drawing instead! I’ve certainly had more success since I’ve given myself time and permission to indulge in a couple of offline activities I want to do. Now, spending time away from Facebook doesn’t feel like a punishment, but like something I get to do.
I also started to move my social networks off of Facebook and onto platforms that are less focused on pushing conservative propaganda down my throat. I spend more time on Discord now or in groups on Signal. I chat with folks on Bluesky or Mastodon. I even still browse Instagram, though I do that less and less. I started attending more online workshops and hangouts, making friends and connections centered around activism or mutual care or exploring the various ways interpersonal relationships work. I began to de-center my time on Facebook groups and started to invest in other spaces. By making my transition slow but constant, I hope to make it less likely that I’ll lose track of the people I care about.
Encourage Each Other: I think this is the thing that’s been the most instrumental in keeping me away from Facebook — I see my friends elsewhere more often. More and more of my friends are leaving or similarly de-centered Facebook, because just like with Twitter, the space has become increasingly hostile. But rather than avoiding politics entirely, frustrated and dismayed with the outrage that fuels social media, I’ve started to discuss it in smaller, more accountable, more invested groups. We share ideas on ways to get involved, whether that be egging each other on to call our representatives or attending a local protest. We offer to drive each other to town halls and get together for book clubs on antifascist strategies. We cook meals together and weed community gardens. We teach each other basic first aid and how to repair a bicycle.
Maybe that’s what this whole thing has ultimately taught me. Sure, Facebook allows me to touch base with friends in other states and countries, and I imagine I won’t let go of it completely (until the platform dumps me, which could be any day now). If I lose my Facebook account, that would sting, sure, but I’m not scared of that loss anymore. I’ve downloaded my data and my photos. I’ve told people where to find me. There are other social media platforms not crawling with Nazis and cops. It’s ok if other people want to keep it as a priority for them — I understand the desire to not let the alt-Reich chase minorities off Facebook, it’s part of why I don’t plan to close my account entirely. But I also don’t want to be there for hours of the day anymore.
Facebook has managed to make itself part of our day-to-day lives in a truly predatory way. Hell, I help manage social media for a local shelter, and that requires being on Facebook to fundraise and adopt animals. But the more I make it less of the core of my online life, the more at peace I feel. My anxiety has gone down to manageable levels. And now, when I want to rant at someone on a Facebook thread… I write something like this instead, taking time to think about what I want to say, and what I want the end result to be. It’s made me just as impassioned, just a little more compassionate and mindful of how that passion manifests.
Sure, Facebook used to be a useful tool, but I don’t need it to make me care about social justice — I read Al-Jazeera and In These Times to keep me informed, I follow Kim Kelly and Talia Lavin to keep me inspired, I buy books from Firestorm and comics from Silver Sprocket to keep me curious. For me, personally, spending some time honestly sitting with my Facebook usage showed me that it was making me emotionally sick, scared, and miserable. It was preventing me from exploring and whittling away my hope. There was a time I couldn’t imagine Tribe.net being gone, or Friendster. I finally asked myself, “Well, what if Facebook was gone?” and started to build new networks BEFORE the collapse of this one. We continue to find new ways of connecting, online and off. If you’re anything like me, you might find that facing your fear of change and missing out opens you up to networking, resources, and resilience you didn’t know were possible.
