Present And Accounted For: An Alternative Holiday Gift Guide For The Rest Of Us
I always see gift guides over the holidays that are for “him” or “her”. I don’t know about you, but those gift guides tend to not be specific enough and they leave me kind of cold. I love shopping for presents, though, so I decided that this holiday I would offer some suggestions based on my own experiences over the years of where to go to find the perfect thing. I hope you find this useful and maybe even a little humorous!
For The Flashy, Fashion Forward Fat Femme: I’m Your Present
One of my favourite Etsy shops, I’m Your Present has incredible, cute, and shiny jewelry, as well as clothes that can be made in custom sizes. I have a few pieces of clothing from her, and they fit beautifully! She really knows what she’s doing, is a great communicator, and makes fun stuff. I’m always craving the various holiday themed jewelry pieces she makes, and I love my Christmas hunk dress like nothing else on the planet. An excellent mix of cute and macabre will offer something for many people on your list!
For The Geek Who Has Everything: ThinkGeek
There’s so much here, for geeks of all stripes, and at all different price ranges. Gadgets, kits, books, teeshirts, desk toys, all sorts of things. I probably have one major order from ThinkGeek a year because I can knock off so much of my list in one go! I also really like their geekpoint system, which often allows you to rack up points so you can get yourself a little something special while you’re doing your shopping. Pretty sweet, right? Just don’t buy the Weeping Angel mask, what’s wrong with you…?!?
For the Performance Artist/Sex Worker: Solid Gold Crafts
Every friend of a hustler hears how frustrating the hustle can be sometimes. Your art is so often seen as not “worth” paying for, certainly not worth paying enough for. Help them advocate for themselves in a fashionable and firm way with these amazing “TIP ME” panties, in both full bottom and thong varieties. The planet and spaceship pasties are also out of this world (I had to say it, ok?) You’ll also be supporting a nonbinary Black artist, which is fucking awesome.
For That Guy You’re Seeing Who Wears Boring Underwear: Steven Even
I am a huge fan of buying the dudes I sleep with sexy underwear. I think it’s because a lot of men in my life don’t tend to know that there is a world outside of tighty-whiteys and novelty boxers. Enter Steven Even, one of the most comprehensive sites I’ve uncovered when it comes to sexy mens underwear of various types. Sure, they have some of the weird dick sock type things, but there’s also some hella cute jockstraps and booty shorts that are cute looking and comfy. There’s also some “sexy costumes”, and I’ll admit the clown one is kind of appealing, at least for me.
For Friends You Know by Their Twitter Handle, Not Their Real Name: Etsy Gift Card
I generally love Etsy, not only because there’s so many incredible artists who can make a bit of a living off of it but also because it’s so vast. You can find all kinds of trinkets, practical and impractical, household objects and bathtime pampering supplies, cute scarves and hats and cat toys of all varieties. I’ve gotten costume pieces, nail decals, cat collars, soaps, and all sorts of other rad things from Etsy, so I imagine that something on there will appeal. If they’re crafty, there’s also a lot of patterns and supplies available.
For Your Ex’s Ex You Now Game With: Funagain Games
Sure, when you first met things were weird, but now you’ve discovered you have two things in common- a love of board games, and being over your mutual ex! So pick up a board game for your new friend that you can both play while drinking cider and dishing about the various things your shared ex did that annoyed you. I recommend a cooperative strategy game that’ll remind you that working together is important… and something the person you both left behind proved pretty incapable of doing. It’ll help you both heal while also reminding you not to call the ex.
For A Friend You Know Is Barely Scraping By: Eat24 Gift Card
When you’re poor, and especially when you’re poor and struggling with mental or physical health issues, making sure you get a decent meal is really rough. I know I was super grateful to have friends who sent me Eat24 gift cards so I didn’t feel guilty for just ordering some delivery instead of cooking, when I really wasn’t up for preparing food for myself. Even reaching out and offering to order delivery for them is such a kindness, if you know them well enough to know their address and stuff. You can also go for TryCaviar, SpoonRocket, GrubHub, or Postmates, depending on who’s in their area.
For Your Protest Buddy You March With: Amazon
Fanny packs may not look all that cool but they do ensure that you have a decent range of movement and use of your hands. Fill your gifted fanny pack with a first aid kit, a small bottle of water, some protein bars, duct tape, a sharpie, a spare mobile phone battery and cord, a card with a local activist friendly legal defense group’s number on it, and any additional items from the linked comprehensive list. The protester in your life will thank you, and who knows, you might end up being grateful it was a gift you gave at some march in the future.