Oh, I’ve found my solution. I’m no longer dating men.
I do not find these issues at all when I date women, which is part of why I say it’s partially toxic masculinity and not just assholes (who can be any gender)— men aren’t taught to talk about their feelings, or even be aware of them. Men aren’t taught to be in positions of care. Men are taught to collect lovers like Pokémon, and to be stoic. Women have a whole range of other toxic things they’re taught but those things are a lot easier for me to handle.