OH also I highly recommend this piece from the 80s by Joanna Russ: Pornography and the Doubleness of Sex for Women:
“I think this doubleness of experience may explain the bitterness of the fight against pornography (to which I’ve contributed as much as anyone, I’m afraid) and the phenomenon of the sides being so very horrified by each other because they are perpetually talking past each other. When A attacks violence and B hears her attacking sexual freedom, B will defend sexual freedom — and A will hear her defending violence. You see how it goes, round and round and louder each time, though A doesn’t intend to attack sexual freedom per se, and B doesn’t mean to defend violence.
I think a woman’s position on this continuum (which can change even from week to week) will determine on which side of the pornography issue she finds herself. The more your life has had to do with the violence and cruelty of (male) sexuality, the more salient these are to you, the more you will attack (male) sexuality as violent, callous, and cruel. And you will be perfectly correct. The more your life has had to do with the autonomy and joy of sexual expression, whether you have had to work your way through to this joy or not, the more sensitive you will be to issues of sexual suppression, and the more you will tend to defend sexuality per se as a valuable good. And you will be perfectly correct.”