Misandry 4Eva: Kitty’s Guide To A Man-Repelling Summer Wardrobe

With summer on the way, shorts come out of hiding, skirts get a bit shorter, and men seem a thousand times more entitled to catcall you for daring to be comfortable in the heat. So many magazines feel the need to weigh in on how to make yourself MORE attractive to men, but why would you want to, when they can’t seem to STFU whenever you leave the house?

Well, don’t worry, dear reader. Here’s how can you tell them to fuck right off without ever saying a word:

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Neon

In the wild, bright colours mean a lot of things, often like “warning”, “toxic”, and “touch me and die”. The human world is no different- men apparently find themselves repelled by those fantastic 80s neons, so whether a more subtle look like neon makeup or accent pieces, or something blatant like a full on florescent romper, this palette is the one to choose for that initial “get the fuck away from me” statement.

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Smokey Eye Makeup

I won’t lie- Imperator Furiosa has made this look a must for an on-trend misandrist summer style. That full-on grease look not your cuppa? You can also get your Fury Road on with a smokey eye that incorporates some fetching chrome highlights which also stops bros in their dusty tracks. Witness this, assholes everywhere!

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Oversized Sunglasses

Less of a makeup person? This eye-shielding look is for you. Without the possibility of eye contact, many dudes don’t get even the entry point they desperately seek to have an excuse to bother you when you just want to listen to your music. Added bonus- oversized sunglasses allow you to roll your eyes as much as you’d like when you hear that guy on the train negging you and every other femme he sees.

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Bold Florals

Flowers are some femme shit, at least according to mens magazines. And why do flowers come in a rainbow? To attract bees, the symbol of cooperative matriarchies everywhere. Let the fellas around you know that you’re not here for them by sporting some bright blossoms.

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Chunky Heels

Men hate chunky heels, probably because they hate the idea we can get away from them more easily when we wear them. So fuck that. Also, the chunkier the heels, the more spikes you can add to them so you can use your shoes as a bludgeoning weapon. Cute!

Bright and/or Dark Lipstick

Tell the men around you that you don’t give a fuck if you leave a mark with a lipstick that refuses to sit down and play nice. Go for something sci fi with a metallic sheen, or go witchy with a dark matte. Bonus points if you add glitter, or the blood of your enemies.

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Statement Necklaces

Actions speak louder than words, sure, but there is a step between telling a pushy manplainer off and macing him. A statement necklace, especially one with an actual statement on it, can speak volumes for you so you can go back to Neko Atsume or reading Janet Mock’s bestseller or literally anything else other than listening to him.

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Not Shaving

Nothing sends menfolk running to the hills like unrepentant body hair on women. Good! They should go live in the hills, by themselves, eating grubs. Get creative by bedazzling your softly fuzzy self, dye your pubes or underarms hairs, or, if you are bereft in the body hair department, consider DIY pit and pube merkins.

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Extreme Hairstyles

Finally, how could we forget the terror that’s inspired by any hair style other than soft, long, and down? Men have been afraid of hairspray as soon as they discovered that a lighter was all that was required to make the styling product into a flamethrower. Never mind that big hair can hide all sorts of things, like a switchblade or a spare lippy, so take up space with hair that says “my milkshake is none of your damned business”.

all of these styles have been labeled as things women should avoid because men dislike them, because of course when you wake up every morning all you think about is how to catch the attention of mediocre white men. I am not making this up.

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Professional Bleeding Heart. Sick & Tired. Patronize me: http://t.co/RSd5cSVGE5 Image by @mayakern

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