people. Nothing we …violence. They might work for some people, but they can be dangerous for people living with trauma. During my years as poly, I frequently thought about “closing” the relationship. Keeping the partners who were already there and not letting anyone new in. There were times I was in so much pain, I didn’t feel able to deal with my partner starting a new relationship. I never begged them not to, because I felt that the minute I did that, I would lose my hard-won poly credentials. I would have failed. I kept repeating that as a mantra: “the second I ask that of you, I’m the one who needs to leave.” I thought that either I could take it all, or I couldn’t be poly and had to break up with everyone and leave. It was all or nothing. So I kept going, in extreme pain and anxiety at times. It got to a point where I started having breakdowns at work, crying every day, on the verge of losing my mind. This happened with both of my partners, at different points in life and for different reasons. My girlfriend was never abusive, still I struggled with near constant anxiety when she started dating other people. Nothing we talked or did helped ease my terror. I started to behave in a controlling fear-driven way. I was terrified of losing my girlfriend to th…