Christmas Music — for People Who Hate Christmas

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Full disclosure- I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I love all the sparkly ornaments and the fun of shopping for the perfect present for the people I care about. I love the saccharine songs and drinking hot toddies while walking around looking at holiday light displays. The whole thing. I’m not religious, but there’s something magical for me about the holidays, even with all the stress. I want to cultivate that sense of magic and generosity year round.

BUT.

A lot of my friends HATE Christmas. Many of them in particular hate Christmas music, often because they’ve worked retail and heard the same 10 songs over and over so it’s like a reverse Pavlov thing, they start to hyperventilate when they hear Nat King Cole. I totally understand.

Some of them hate Christmas itself, others hate the romantic hogwash that seems to be linked all too often with the holidays. Enjoy!

1. — FEAR
“Don’t despair/Just because it’s Christmas”

2. — Miles Davis
“Merry Christmas/I hope yours is a bright one, but for me, it bleeds”

3. — Set It Off
“Oh my God, it’s here, this awful time of year”

4. — Everclear
“I just want to sit in our apartment and hate you/Yes, I will be hating you for Christmas”

5. — Kate Nash
“All the Christmas lights and the mistletoe/Are only making me feel more alone”

6. — Emmy The Great & Tim Wheeler
“They don’t feel the cold when it’s 50 below/You see them sucking brains out in the snow”

7. — The Hives vs Cyndi Lauper
“I set your record collection on fire/And said I never knew”

8. — Holly Golightly
“The thing it ain’t been watered since I put it in the stand/and I used the fire alarm battery for the flashlight in my van”

9. — NOFX
“St. Nick is dead but we don’t grieve/We celebrate the last Christmas Eve”

10. — Fall Out Boy
“All I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me/before you bury yourself alive”

11. — New Found Glory
“Another year, this time I’ll regret/That I spent too much time and money on you”

12. — MxPx
“Christmas night of the living dead/My face is green and the snow is red”

13. — Spinal Tap
“The sugar plums are rancid/And the stockings are in flames”

Written by

Professional Bleeding Heart. Sick & Tired. Patronize me: Image by @mayakern

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